Tantrums: Testing Every Parent’s Patience

Toddlers have many skills but controlling
their temper is not one of them. Nearly all toddlers have temper tantrums at
some time.   If your child is having
tantrums, you are not alone.

Temper tantrums are common between ages 1
and 3 because toddlers are becoming independent and developing their own wants,
needs, and ideas. They start to have minds of their own and strong ideas about the
way they want things to be. Toddlers begin to do things for themselves and to make
their own decisions. During this time you can expect to see some tremendous
intellectual and emotional changes in them.

However, toddlers are not yet able to
express their wants and feelings with words. Since your child is unable to communicate
any other way, tantrums often result when they get angry, upset, stressed and
frustrated often because there are many things they want to do but can’t yet. Also,
toddlers have a tantrum when they feel tired, hungry, unwell, scared, jealous,
insecure, unloved or unwanted.

What you can do to tame your toddler’s tantrums?

If you sense a tantrum is brewing, think
quick and act immediately. You need to quickly decide whether to let your child
have their way or to confront them before they throw a tantrum. Should you give
in or not? Is it worth fighting over? Is it negotiable?

If you decide the tantrum seems to be
something small, something that is not worth fighting over and is not
negotiable, don’t give in. Be consistent. If you give in easily, your child
learns that tantrums work whenever things do not go their way. In other words, they
will use tantrums to manipulate you, especially if you are busy.

What should you do once your child starts
to whine? Take a deep breath and try not to worry. Your child is not going to
hurt themselves or suffer emotional damage from not getting their own way.

Here are 10 ways you can tame your
toddler’s tantrums:

1. Stay calm. Spanking or
   screaming at your child will only make the tantrum worse. It just communicates
   that you are out of control too. Set a positive example for your child by
   remaining calm.
2. Direct your child’s attention. Try to distract your child with an appealing object or by
   giving them something else to do. Do something fun. Let them help you cook dinner
   or do anything that could draw their attention away from a situation that may
   spark a tantrum.
3. Consider that your child might be tired or hungry. Make sure your child gets enough sleep and don’t let them get
   too hungry.
4. Give them choices. When possible and whenever necessary diffuse a looming
   tantrum.  Allow your child to make choices.
   Can they choose their snacks? If your child can’t play with a phone, would they
   be okay with toys? Can they choose what books to read for bedtime? This helps
   toddlers feel they have some control over their day and learn decision-making
   skills.   
5. Establish schedules and routines and stick to them as much as
   possible. Tantrums may be less likely if your
   child knows what to do and expect during the day. Routines allow a child to
   adjust their behavior without throwing a tantrum and to recognize that certain
   things occur at about the same time and in roughly the same sequence each day.
6. Provide challenging yet age-appropriate activities. Provide your child with age-appropriate activities but make
   sure the skills required should be things your child is capable of doing. Otherwise,
   they may throw a tantrum out of frustration or just to escape the activity.
7. Call a time-out. Use time-outs to help your child calm down. Send them to a
   specific chair to sit for a few minutes or to a room to be away from others.
   When time-out is over, talk with your child about their behavior. Use this
   opportunity to teach them how to practice good manners and handle their anger
   and frustration.
8. Set expectations. When your child is required to move from one activity to
   another, it is best to give your child reminders about the upcoming change. For
   example, give them a 5-minute warning before leaving a friend’s house or tell
   them it’s bath time after playing outdoors or watching a cartoon.
9. Be firm but flexible. Make clear to your child what kind of behavior you expect
   from them but try not to be too strict. Acknowledge their feelings and learning
   potential and don’t get too hard on them while they are throwing tantrums.
10. Ignore the
    behavior. Sometimes, the best strategy to use, if
    possible, is to completely ignore the tantrum while not allowing your child to
    get anything they may be seeking or wanting to avoid.

Parents take heed. It is never helpful to
punish a child to try to stop a tantrum. Tantrums last only a short time and
your child’s emotions are not totally out of control.Take comfort in the fact that most children outgrow tantrums by
age 4.

Image by gfergu1 from Pixabay